Let Me Borrow Your Imagination for a Moment

Imagine this for me. Imagine having a secret. A huge secret. A secret that affects your life tremendously. If you could just share this secret you could really be yourself. But you know that if your family found out about this secret it could have disastrous consequences. They’d first try to deny it, tell you that you were wrong.  Then they’d try to change your mind. They’d try to get you to see the error of your ways, to turn from your sin. But you know that no matter what they say, you’re right. That secret is a part of you. It’s not a choice, it’s a fact. And then when they get fed up of you standing up for yourself they really turn against you.  They ostracize you. They disown you. They kick you out. You’re a pariah within your family. If they knew your secret, you would eventually end up homeless, helpless. So you’re faced with a dilemma every day. Should you keep your secret to keep your cozy life? Or should you share your secret? Should you stand up for who you are and what you believe in, even if it would have disastrous consequences?


This is the voice of one who can't speak. It's humbling to want to participate in the Day of Silence, but realize you can't because you're one of the people the event is for. 

You Can't Pray Away the Gay

     I love Grey's Anatomy, I really do.  Not in the "I watch it every time it's on, can name every actor and his/her character, and own all the DVDs" sense, but in the "My mom watches the show and maybe when she sees the true love between Callie and Arizona she'll realize" sense. In fact, I've seen very little Grey's Anatomy, and I don't really like Grey.  But I love Calliope.  Not because she has an awesome name, which she does, but because she's so damn relate-able. Though I'm more like Arizona in the sense that I'm not bi but rather a Gold Star Lesbian, I can identify wholeheartedly with Callie's struggle for her dad's acceptance.
     I saw the episode with the slogan above.  With my mom. At the time my mother was openly hostile about it. I didn't really mind because I hadn't really realized who I am yet. And I just so happened to also see tonight's episode with my mother.  I was watching the screen, not her face, but she seemed much more accepting here. She didn't say anything hateful when the baby daddy told Arizona "You're nothing." She didn't say anything about Arizona calling herself the child's mother.  And most importantly, she seemed almost as relieved as I was when at the end Callie comes to and says "I'll marry you." Maybe, hopefully, she can see that the love between these two women is more pure and true than the romance between Meredith and McDreamy could ever be. And no, I don't know what Dempsey's character's name really is. It is Dempsey, correct?

PITUITARY GLAND!

     So the other day we were talking about genetic disorders in Biology.  Except my biology teacher tends to go off topic when something makes her think of some cool study she's heard of or something.  We had already been off topic for a few minutes when she started into a new story.  She began by telling us about a roommate she'd had in college who, when Mrs. Atria* had known her, had a string of abusive boyfriends. Later in life she was catching up with this friend and found out that she now dated women.  Mrs. Atria believed this to be one of the very few cases of someone choosing to be gay.  She backed up her assertion with a tale of a bunch of homosexual people donating their corpses to science and being studied.  Evidently there was something different about the pituitary glands of gay people; they were smaller or underdeveloped or something. 


     At this point some might be going "So?" Others might be thinking "Wait... Are you saying gays are brain damaged or something?"  Well, whether or not my brain differs from that of a straight person I'm just as mentally capable as anyone else.  But that's not the issue here.  It's not a choice! The whole premise of the homophobia my parents harbor centers around the fact that according to the bible, homosexuality is a sin.  But by the very nature of sinning there has to be an option to sin and an option not to sin.  There is no option here; homosexuality isn't something one chooses.  Therefore, homosexuality can't be a sin. 


     Now this doesn't mean that I'm going to my parents and say "So.  I'm a lesbian.  But I'm not a sinner, see?"  Nah, It's just nice to know that my parents are wrong.  Also I'd been wondering for a while why exactly homosexuality exists.  Sexual intercourse exists to as to perpetuate the species.  Attraction exists to lead to copulation.  But procreation between two individuals of the same gender cannot produce offspring, defeating the evolutionary purpose.  So now I'm reasonably convinced I'm not a freak of nature. 


     I was so happy after class that day I could've hugged Mrs. Atria.  But that could've been real awkward.  So I settled for galloping excitedly (my backpack is too cumbersome to skip) towards my bus stop buddy, best friend, and wife (long story) Jo Cho* and screeching "Pituitary gland!" excitedly. She has Atria too, so she knew what I was talking about. I also later had a conversation with my best guy friend and comrade in gay Zebra* over SMS where we discussed the "brain damage" implications. Of course it quickly devolved into "Were the intellegentest peeple on the planit. Strate peepol are just jelis." 






NOTE:   Do NOT quote me on the science part.  I know nothing about this study or the validity of its conclusion. I only know what I remember my teacher telling me. 

Hellz Yeah

So the other day, after making the list I blogged about earlier, I realized that straight girls have crushes. Male crushes. Not Catherine Zeta-Jones or Tina Fey or this girl at school we'll call Georgia*. So I texted my friend Holly* and together we came up with a list. Yeah. Another one. 


Guys I "Like"
-David Boreanez (If I were straight, I think I actually would want to marry his character Agent Booth)
-Matthew McConaughey (I didn't know who this guy was)
-Tom Felon (In reality I could never crush on a Slytherin)
-Johnny Depp (Meh.)
-Robert Downey Jr (What girl doesn't love Iron Man?)
-Sam Bradford (Former QB for the Sooners. Hellz yeah.)




*Names changed for anonymity's sake


If anyone has any other ideas let me know.

Rules For Being A Convincing Straight Girl

I've recently had a self-evaluative moment and realized that I'm being kinda obvious. Aside from pointing out hot chicks, I'm pretty much doing everything I can to lead people to the inference that I'm a lesbian. Which would be totally okay if I didn't have to keep this tiny detail a secret from my parents for fear of disgust, scorn, and being kicked out. So I've developed some rules for myself. 

-Buy clothes only from the women's section
-Ditch the rainbow yarn
-Watching football is okay, but powderpuff is for dykes
-Point out attractive males. Pretend to crush on them.
-Try to give a fuck about hair, makeup, and all that jazz
-Hide An Unbearable Lightness, watch Xena clandestinely, listen to tATu only on Pandora and only when alone, keep femslash fanfic hidden,ditch stuff like Victor/Victoria
-Borrow from Mom, not Dad
-Shut the fuck up about gay rights
-Go to Homecoming. Wear a dress.
-No more basketball shorts in public unless actually playing a sport
-As far as underpants go, wear bikinis instead of boyshorts
-Aside from the lucky Ravenclaw tie, ditch the blatantly dyke-y accessories
-Wear heels to church, and quit complaining about the Debate skirt
-Not a mention of attending GSA around the 'rents
-Quit dressing like a guy and try to accentuate boobs/hips
-Pink bra. Nothing's girly-er than a pink bra.
-Try to give a fuck when Harmony* teases "haha, you're 15 and never had a boyfriend!"


*My sister's name has been changed for the sake of anonymity. Mine, not hers. 


I can't help feeling like I'm forgetting a few things, so if you think of any hit me up.